Home > Joe Thoroughgood, Short Stories, Space, Technology Matters > We’re So Sorry Uncle Albert

We’re So Sorry Uncle Albert


We’re so sorry Uncle Albert, but
we haven’t done a bloody thing all day!
–Paul McCartney

It’s not that I mind all of this rhetoric about how things are supposed to be.

It’s not even that I mind all of those preachy types out there who are convinced that they know exactly what I should be thinking all of the time and, if I am not – no problem – “wizzo”, “wammo” – you are back to how things are supposed to be and taking yet another new medication!

It’s just that for all of this time I have been trying to tell anyone who will listen; exactly what it is that we need to know in order to unravel and understand how all of this thing we call the universe is actually put together.


No bullshit! I had the very startling personal epiphany to prove it! (Actually, I was given this information by someone quite a long time ago and I started thinking recently that I have sat on this stuff for far too long) There are some very good reasons why I have been reluctant to divulge what I have here, as you shall soon see.

Unfortunately, just as I get to the point that maybe, just maybe I might have a decent audience – or at least an audience that will actually listen to me; I start thinking that if this information actually gets out – we are not going to be able to put back the pieces if it is used improperly. And, as all new inventions either scientific or practical almost always are used improperly – not only will we be in a helluva fix, but there won’t be any way to put back the pieces, because we will by then have successfully blown up everything into proverbial smithereens! And, just about everyone knows that once everything is blown up into smithereens – we have come to the end of the great redemption pool. And, believe me, there won’t be any last-minute “save their asses” miracle that will allow us to undo the error!

Also, I don’t really mind that I can’t let on about this information. Or, that maybe this information is actually the thing in my life that will give me the kind of power – financially and socially, that has continued to be just out of reach most of this current life span. Curious word, span. When it comes to part of the structural framework of a plain, ordinary not truly worth mentioning bridge over some plain ordinary not truly worth mentioning river; a bridge is a fine thing upbraided by every one of the citizenry, even the malcontents. But, stray, even finely, from that very precise line of reasoning, not by miles, or yards, or even by feet, mind you, but stray from that line just one iota (another curious word; I will try to use it again, later) As I was saying, stray just one iota from the use of a span in the construction of an ordinary bridge over some ordinary river; And there is hell to pay!

You see, as long as you stay somewhat near (it is always curious that the mental wellbeing of a culture appears to be tied so directly – even proportionately tied – to the current version of just who is mad, and who is not mad. But the lines do seem to get closer each time and that is another part of the problem. But an altogether different story and my publisher is not willing for me to cover all of the material here in this prologue, or even in this book. So, I am self-publishing and you will just have to be patient with me while I get the hang of it. It will all work out in the long run as I hope to find a way to get you the information in the most painless way possible.

Again, back to the point I am making here. I will pose it as a question since writing this thing was meant to get me the professorship I coveted for the longest time; and, as you may or may not know, they like it when the professor they hire is real good at asking questions of the students – has something to do with the Socratic method  – something called, let me think, let me think, sounds like “divination”. No, that’s not it, you know that name that Plato gave to Socrates to use so that he could ask questions so well. Oh well, Forget-about-it! That is REALLY quite another story, and I don’t fell like telling it again, anyway.  Oops, after all that, I just remembered the word I was looking for that describes the Socratic method of discourse and teaching; the Dialectic.

So I ask you: What kind of infernal, lame-brained nincompoop would divulge to the world – that same world that one has already found teetering blindly between sheer madness and utter sublimity – anyway, it scares the shit out of me on a regular basis. So, what kind of an idiot who saw all the writing on the wall would then go ahead and give this same world that very information which at the very least will turn the planet into something not even insects could live on; but in addition, would probably herald that great day when some asshole who is very, very pissed off and very much more rich than he has any business to be; uses this information to completely unravel the essential frame and framework of the entire universe just because he can’t get some gorgeous supermodel to suck him off, or worse, just because he is showing off to his new bff’s.

As you might have guessed by now, (kudos to you if you have, what’s your major malfunction if you haven’t) this new information will lead to vast abundant sources of personal and global energy, replace all current forms of energy fuels, and lead to the complete unraveling of this entire business concerning worm holes, time travel, and perpetual motion.

Obviously, this information is big, BIG stuff. Even a small sprinkling is likely to be enough to cause some world leader to think rather unkind and unforgiving thoughts about an innocent neighbor who just wants to bring in the cows and harvest the grain. But, when you think about it; isn’t that the way it has always been. Some blowhard, or some prick with too small a prick and a very non-accommodating lover; figures out some way to completely enslave and pillage a much less aggressive and possibly kind and generous neighbor, and so on, and so on, and so on.

So you can see, this is a very ponderous issue and is not easily resolved. Meantime, all kinds of things that are bad for us and our planet go on happening because we are still stuck with some very outdated thinking about energy,
matter, and their origin, form, and use.

And, it’s not like I haven’t done a lot of thinking about this, either. It’s just that I figured some time ago that I might be that one last guy who doesn’t sell out. It’s gotten to be some kind of a high ethical issue. But, it has very severe
practical ramifications for both myself and everyone else – on both sides. (By the way for those assholes out there who have nothing better to do but question everything so long that very little of anything new on the planet has any chance of ever getting into the hands of the common folk such as myself; you the reader, and everyone that we both know, and then some.)

But, for those jerks who seem to exist simply to deny the possibility that IT IS POSSIBLE for every human being, everywhere to have the highest quality of life, as they wish their life to be. (Some folks say that this whole thing about terrorism is based upon the US and its leaders having some overblown sense of righteous “giving them what they want”. Which is an attitude that isn’t all bad, but mostly it gets converted somewhere between the ballot box and foreign policy such that “give them what they want”, becomes: “give them what they want whether they want it or not – better yet; even if they don’t know that what we are going to give them is what they want, give it to them anyway whether they want it or NOT”!

Anyhow, in case you are one of those people reading this:




You will be sorry if you do, and the rest of us will be even sorrier yet!

But for the rest of you – you know, the one’s of us who can be trusted with the key to the whole shootin’ match; are you ready? (By the way if you are the other type – the one’s who have no business at all reading this and you are still here reading this: Fuck you!)

Well, it turns out that I’m not.

Ready, that is.

Well, not completely ready.

If I were, you probably would have already heard the rest of the story and funny thing about people; once you give them the “goods” they rarely, if ever, will do any of the background work to find out who gave them the information and who he had to paid off to get that aforementioned information.

Since I am not quite ready, but do feel a certain sense of responsibility for holding your attention through all of the above; I will give you a “taste” of what is to come.

Albert Einstein wasn’t wrong; he was simply looking in the wrong place.

Actually, and put more finely, he was looking at the wrong stuff.

As it turns out, old Albert never finished his life’s work. Oh, he was completely satisfied with his articulation of the Theory of Relativity, especially the much more complex, unifying, and comprehensive General Theory of Relativity; but he fell short of devising, or divining (if you will), what he called the Unified Field Theory. A theory which he believed would transport our knowledge as far along from Relativity, as quantum mechanics has propelled us past the cause and effect physics of Sir Isaac. A theory, again which Albert believed – there is actually quite a bit of controversy about this Unified Field Theory thing. It turns out that there are some folks who say the UFS has already been articulated, laid-down, written about. And, these same folks also admit to its shortcomings. Others say that the UFS cannot be articulated and even if it were; it wouldn’t deliver what Albert said it would.

Trouble is, Albert didn’t realize – here’s the hint. . .wait for it – Albert never quite understood how to put human consciousness, intentionality specifically, into a mathematical formula.

Well, I have actually said a bit more about this than I had intended. But, to find out where this thing is going. (If you are reading this it means that either you are one of my family members doing me the kind gesture of looking at just one more of my “artistic” creations; or I haven’t yet revealed the key. In which case, you are just going to have to read to the end of this thing because that’s the only way you are ever going to have any real hope in getting this information. Albert always said he did not understand why he had been picked to give the world Relativity. Same holds for me. Didn’t ask for it; would rather not have it, but it appears that I do not get to vote on this.

In either case, (whatever group you might belong to) thank you for staying with me this far in the story, and stay tuned for what will come.

Joe Thoroughgood

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